I’ve stated before that I don’t believe- and have not believed for a while – women simply don’t want a good man or a nice guy. I don’t believe they “only want Thugs.” I do believe however that as a man when it comes to attracting women, being “good and nice” are liabilities. The reason being is way too often such traits have a similar look and feel as being weak and un-manly. As such, if those are major traits and characteristics of your personality you’ll have to make up for it in some way.
From a stand point of pure, unconscious, animalistic lust, women are attracted to aggression and dominance. Those are certainly not the only things and they’re not the end-all\be-all. What they are, however, are “entry fees.” It needs to be understood and established that a man has at least the capacity for such characterics. This is why thugs and criminals don’t have much difficulty attracting women. They appeal to the “reptilian” parts of a woman’s psyche.
Good and nice guys can still win. Like I stated in the first paragraph, however, they have to compensate in some way. They have to show that they’re at least capable of aggressive and dominant behavior. They also have to be “on-point.” Russell Wilson has to be an NFL quarterback and perennial MVP candidate. Will Smith has to show off his chops as an action star. Kevin Kelly has to be a successful attorney and restauranteur. Israel Adesanya has to be an MMA champion. Dirk Nowitzki and Steph Curry have to win a NBA titles and finals and league MVP trophies. They have to show they’re being good and nice “on purpose” and that it’s not simply a fall back strategy after they’ve failed at being strong and masculine. Career choices such as joining the military or police force are good for that. Achieving professional success in general is good for that. Getting shredded in the gym is good for that.
As an aside, I personally thank God for Jordan Peterson who articulated that dominance hierarchies are really competence hierarchies. It frames the conversation around “get good” and not necessarily “get tough.” I also thank God for the women who are honest and self aware enough to admit and acknowledge what they’re attracted to.
Altogether however, the good or nice guy can certainly win. He just has to be a strong and masculine guy in the process.