The five part test for legitimacy of criticism of a group or individual:
1. Is it true? That is, does the group or individual actually embody the characteristic or engage in the behavior being criticized? If yes proceed to 2. If no, auto fail.
2. Is it problematic? That is, does it cause harm or a tangible problem to self, group, or others? If yes proceed to 3. If no, auto fail.
3. Is the behavior or characteristic unique to the subject of criticism? Proceed to 4.
4. Is it uniquely problematic? That is, does the characteristic or behavior ONLY cause harm to self, group, or others when embodied by or engaged in by the subject of criticism? If yes, proceed to 5. If no, auto fail.
5. Is the behavior or characteristic leading to criticism an otherwise contextually reasonable reaction to a condition externally imposed upon the subject of criticism? If no, pass. If yes, fail.
Hope this doesn’t get me investigated or cause people to look at me sideways.
Anybody who pays attention knows I’m an MRA – very pro-man, particularly pro – black man. I am a man – a black man, so I see it as being pro self.
Here’s the dilemma. I would like to take a stand against things like molestation and rape, and abuse and assault etc., but it seems like to do so there’s this requirement that you demonize and accuse the male collective. I don’t believe most of us are violent sexual predators, and those who are should be called out and punished accordingly. Like I said, I don’t want a just and righteous cause to become a mass accusation and demonization of men as a group.
This was inspired by my last blog post. How does one keep a confident masculine frame but be authentic and true with one’s self?
I honestly don’t know yet. I believe pulling back and being quiet is a part of it, but I’m not sure yet. Hopefully with experience and dealing with people overall I’ll be able to get it worked out.
Lost a couple of women this week. I’ve lost at least 5 in the past few months. In fact I have a bad habit of losing women in the interaction phase. I’m writing this to get a beat on what lessons I should learn. I’m apparently a handsome man because I don’t seem to have much issue attracting them initially. In many cases I’m even getting second dates.
Here’s how I’m losing them. I’m failing shit tests. I’m losing my confident masculine frame.
Let’s chronicle the last 4 women I messed up with shall we?
Girl 1: Met her online. She was a talker and she loved texting and talking on the phone. She also loved sending pics. Now here’s the problem(test). When I wanted to see her and take her on dates she always had something else going on. Oh sure she continued texting and waning to talk to me. I tried to pull back and make myself distant. She pursued somewhat, but it was still the same BS. I finally did get a date with her, and she even showed up in a sexy dress with no panties. I saw her for a walk the following night, and she came at me with plenty of feminine sexual energy. When I went to hug and kiss her, she resisted and pulled back. She agreed to a date the following Friday, but flaked on me the night of. It ended sure, but bottom line I failed the shit tests.
I think the game with her was to be distant and withhold validation. I’ll start practicing that.
Girl 2: Online again. First date was simply Starbucks. She didn’t even want to give her name until the date itself – security concerns “You could’ve been a weirdo, creep…” In protecting herself she put forth her hardcore conservative side. So much so, I was starting to suspect she was a closet lesbian. I wasn’t particularly attracted to her at first, but she was showing a lot of interest so I was willing to go on a second date.
A few days after the first date, I suppose I played it well and didn’t over pursue, because her interest level remained pretty high. We had our first phone conversations. In the conversations we had a few hefty disagreements, but we still planned our second date. She agreed to it, but I still believe it was off the strength of the initial impression and good maneuvers I had made up to that point.
She shows up to the date. I can tell from her body language that her interest level in me is still pretty(perhaps very) high.
She was also comfortable with me now. At this point she presented her soft, feminine, sensuous, side. I went from suspecting she didn’t really like men to now being forced to see her as…A WOMAN!!!!
Needless to say it made me nervous. It took me out of my frame. I was definitely more attracted to her.
I was fidgety and would have emo moments when expressing certain views. Sure we disagreed on some things, but I’m certain that it was how I disagreed that was the issue. I know a little bit of the game. Often disagreements are a mere cover. When you’re attracted to a person like that, you don’t really notice disagreements – or at least they’re not enough to turn off attraction on a certain level.
She came into the date with a pretty high interest level, but by the end of the night I got the “we’re two different people…” line.
The lesson from what I could gather is to keep your frame. I’m not sure how to do that yet.
Girl 3: This was one of the cases of overplaying it. Again we connected via online dating. We started talking and she’s definitely talking back. Texting is cool. Phone convos are cool. She definitely wants to see this thing go somewhere. Thing is, I pulled some serious dick moves thinking I’m being Mr. Smooth Player Player. First, I told her I’d call, but didn’t. I texted her I believe the next day or so and I was apologetic, and promised to call her. I did. Things were going okay. We even planned to go on a date, but I basically disappeared on her for 2 days after planning it. I misread the signs. Instead of giving her what she was giving me, I did what I felt the rules of game dictated. I reached out to her after disappearing and she didn’t respond. Obviously she’s gone ghost and decided to hell with me. I overplayed it.
So I think the lesson is to give her what she gives you.
Girl 4: This was actually a girl I dated in HS and I happened to reconnect with her recently. I was working on play as a stage hand for some old church family friends. She was in the play as a singer. The first night, she told me to get in touch with her. We went out to a nearby pub. I got a serious kiss from her. She also told me she had a hotel room in the area. I didn’t attack the situation and take her up on her suggestion and close the deal. I let it slide and didn’t think much of it. Fast forward a few weeks or maybe a month after the play. The church family friends have a get together to celebrate the production. She was there and when I passed her I gave her a passionate sensuous hug with which she complied. I later sent her a basic “What’s up” text to see if there might’ve been anything still there. Apparently there was. She invited me to a play with her. I was even offering to pick her up as a kind gesture. She agreed to let me (Psst, if you pick her up, you can create a sexual opportunity… if you play it right).
The day of the date, I pulled a series of dick moves. First, I went running close to the time I was supposed to get ready to go and pick her up. Then, I started waffling about picking her up. With all my fuckery, she simply decided to cancel the date. Can’t blame her to be honest. I overplayed it again.
So let’s sum up the lessons. 1. Pay attention and know when and how to pull back. 2. Keep your frame. 3. At least give her what she gives you 4. Take the opportunities you’re given.
Here’s the biggest lesson of all. The game is not something you can learn by simply watching videos or reading books. You have to get out in the field and live it – Experience it. You have to tangibly practice it, and keep your eyes open and your mind open to potential lessons.
Shout out to Alpha Male Strategies for some of the underlying theories I’ve been working with.
I understand I’m exposing a bit. I also have some reservations about posting this as I’m not sure if I’m opening a Pandora’s box on my blog. I don’t have much of a readership anyway so I can be a little “balls out” at this time.
Also as a disclaimer, I’m no dating coach, casanova, or credentialed sexual expert. I’m only speaking on the basis of my past sexual experiences and what I’ve observed in the women I’ve dealt with.
Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way:
I’ll go through the boring anatomical discussion of how things work. I’ve seen this phenomenon several times over. If you’ve ever performed cunnilingus or manual stimulation on a woman to the point of orgasm you’ll easily see what I’m referring to. It in fact works very similar to how masturbation works for you as a male. Think about it. When you stroke the spoke, a short list of things take place. You mentally put yourself in a place to achieve climax. You start stroking, and quickly locate the place on your penis where it gives you the most and highest level of sensation. You then quickly establish the correct pace, motion, rhythm and pressure level to give yourself what you need. Once you’ve achieved those goals – two to 5 minutes later – boom goes the dynamite. Female sexual processes work in a similar fashion. What you need as a man to take care of her is the following: 1.) Understanding of what mentally gets her in the mood to achieve orgasm and what it takes to make her comfortable achieving orgasm with you. In fact this is where the mental and emotional disconnect between men and women is such a huge factor. 2.) A general understanding of her anatomy – particularly the internal and external components of her clitoris, along with what it looks and feels like when she has a clitoral erection. This can be obtained with good communication and attentive foreplay. Fingering, massaging and oral all factor in. 3.) I believe size matters but not nearly as much as we think, nor the way we think it does. If you’re in the range of average (5.5 – 7.5 x 4.5 – 5.5) and you have good, strong consistent high quality erections, and you know how to position yourself to hit her spots, you should be okay 4.) From there, it’s just like with yourself. Find the spot (hopefully you figured this out during step 2). Figure out the pace, the motion, the pressure level. If you can last long enough, you got her. That’s my long winded 2 cents.
This gets into a lot of frustration for a lot of people.
At the end of the day there are limits to what can be attained.
Also, a lot of endeavors are more and less difficult per individual. It’s at this point where many will conclude either tacitly or explicitly: “the juice ain’t worth the squeeze.”
Biggest example is in the world of dating. It’s very hard for a lot of people to get in shape. Many have to get on extreme diets and workout programs. It’s extremely hard for many to build a career with a high level of status and high income.
Even after clearing those hurdles, many will still have to deal with the issues of mastering social skills and general game. Then after you’ve done all that to the maximum of your natural capacity, the mates you get are still just pretty much average.
When presented with the question of whether or not I’d wait to have sex with a woman who’s abstinent:
My short answer is yes. I have some qualifiers however. When a woman presents to me the idea of abstinence or waiting, I mentally put her in 1 of 3 categories:
1. She simply has a low libido and abstinence is her cover. That means that even if I marry her I’ll spend the rest of my life having to crawl, beg, borrow and deal for sex while she’s merely rationing herself out just enough to shut me up. I’d hate to spend the rest of my life with such a woman – and yes this does happen. We men talk to each other.
2. She’s low key not particularly attracted to me and sex for her is transactional. She’s similar to 1 with the added concern that she might even cheat on me
3. She has a solid healthy libido and she’s even attracted to me in that way. I can tell by how she behaves with me and around me she feels tempted and even needs my leadership in that area. She’s doing it because she genuinely believes and wants to do right, but she’s still very much a human woman who hopes to permanently be my woman. I can roll with that type.
Now that’s the foundational aspect of it. There’s another level or layer to it. What does she have to offer besides the fact that she’s waiting? Do we genuinely enjoy each other as people? Is she a person that I genuinely enjoy being around and sharing space with? Do we meet each other’s mental and emotional needs beyond the sex issue?
If the answer to those questions are yes, then absolutely I can wait. I won’t even really feel like I’m losing anything in dealing with her. We’re genuinely courting and building the relationship and it’s not some egotistical manipulation game.
Alright, so these are my greatly oversimplified thoughts on the weave conversation.
First and foremost I prefer a woman who has her own hair, but her overall aesthetic is more important to me so I suppose I’m not particularly firm in my preference.
I wanted to get that out for the sake of full honesty.
Now I’ll say this to the men. I think for the most part we agree that we don’t like weave. We should be vocal about that and make sure the word is out. You can’t enforce a code that doesn’t exist, so go ahead and say it. Now here’s where I get controversial. We’re asking black women to change for us. That’s a tall order. We therefore need to do at least 3 things:
1. Get yourself together as a man so your words will matter to women. Get your money right. Get your looks and body right. Get your status up. Be a man that women in general take seriously.
2. Don’t deal with any woman regardless of how otherwise attractive she is if she wears weave. Don’t date her. Don’t even give her any interpersonal attention.
3. Find an attractive natural woman who’s going to get on your program and comply. Don’t just date and marry her, promote her in some way as a standard of beauty.
If a critical mass of brothers both vocalize their disdain for weave AND follow the algorithm I just provided, weave will quickly become yesterday’s news.
Now i’m saying this to men, but I admit I really shouldn’t be saying this in front of women. I don’t want to give them another bs talking point to try and use to shut us down.
I call it a BS, insincere talking point on the women’s side because I see the truth on the ground. There are already in fact worthwhile men who have a preference for natural women. If women really cared they’d do what’s necessary to attract and compete for such men. The fact that they don’t tells me they don’t care. They just want us to shut up about it. Like I said earlier in the post we should be vocal about our disdain for weave.
I was preparing to write a list of things that I’m dissatisfied with about myself. It was going to become a grand pity party with an open invitation to all. It’s very easy to get lost in feels if you’re a thinking person. It’s very easy to think about what’s lacking in your life. It’s easy to acquiesce to sorrow and despair and just wallow in it. Where things go wrong is that we forgot how much hope we have. There are too many solutions and opportunities to be great. Whatever you’re struggling with there’s something to help. I could expound on these thoughts, but I’ll leave it be for now.
As a point of truth I haven’t watched any of these videos or read any of these articles yet. This is something I’ll have to come back to. This is important for anyone trying to get into or progress within their career.
