I assure you, I get it. I’ll do my best to not be too harsh in my rhetoric. I’ll try not to sound like a scorned bitter, basic dude when I say this, but please understand: I get it. What am I talking about? Well I’m glad you asked. I have catalogue of big-boned-Brendas, single mothers, and cougars that I’ve dismissed and passed over. All the while, I find myself constantly whining and moaning about who didn’t or won’t choose me. What’s wrong with me? Well I’ll give you an answer, but my answer goes so much deeper. I’ll have to segue into another discussion to fully flesh it out. I hope you can stay with me before you give me the finger.
I’ve seen some very gorgeous dark- skinned, natural-haired black women whining and moaning about colorism and the absence of validation from black men. What the heck are they talking about?
Well folks, I’m a black a man and OMG!!!! look at these women. I wanna marry these ladies yesterday in a polygamous set up but give them all first wife privilege, and make them have like 19 babies for me apiece. I mean seriously.
I’m sincerely validating these black women, what’s the problem? Well look at me. I guess you can’t really look at me as I’m a pseudo-anonymous blogger. I’ll go ahead and tell you. I’m a basic 5’10” dude who works a basic job, and drives a basic car. I’m not particularly good looking and don’t have a ton of fame or status to speak of. I’m no Uber-mensch alpha male, master-of-the-universe. Therefore, no matter how forcefully I endorse a woman, my endorsement is not particularly validating. What would be validating? Well, who’s Michael Jordan married to? What’s her phenotype? Who’s Jay Z married to? Who’s Kanye West married to? See the pattern yet? Who are the powerful highly desirable master-of-the-universe type of black men giving their tangible endorsement to? It’s not the women I posted.
So let’s bring it all back. I don’t feel like I’m proving anything with the women I attract – their affections don’t validate me. In fact it makes me feel worse because it shows how low the female collective sees me. Well folks, the same is true on a global scale with regard to black women.
Maybe I can get rich and famous enough for my endorsement to mean something.
Past endeavors and results:
1. Get a job with a financial company – even at the lowest level
2. Always show up on time
3. Max out performance ratings
4. Be a decent teammate
5. Go to gym
6. Eat salad regularly
7. Keep a second job
8. Get a haircut and goatee trim regularly
9. Dress your best
10. Listen to the teachings of various dating coaches
1. Got weight down and overall fitness up
2. Ultimately got promoted to a Corporate office position, but performance has been mediocre at best
3. Got bench press up to 205, but developed tendinitis in the right wrist.
4. Attracted plenty of various women as far as first and second dates. Even got a bit physical with a few, but had issues closing the deal with them and getting into a relationship. Also to be honest, the ones that showed the most interest and wanted me the most were average looking so I largely spurned them. The more attractive ones I was chasing and pursuing were the ones that fell through.
5. Got pretty fit but ultimately lost gains when tendinitis struck.
To be continued/ edited
First and foremost, let me admit that I’m a horrible writer, lol.
My style is choppy and largely unreadable. My written speech is not conversational and doesn’t flow. My thoughts don’t smoothly lead into each other. They jump around.
So that was my pseudo disclaimer.
Now I’ll get into the feels.
Dating for me is always a struggle. I’m in that average camp. I’m average looking. Im not particularly fit. I do get called handsome a bit so I have that in my favor. My career – while corporate professional tier – is average. I do have a few higher aspirations. I work out at the gym. I’m working on some professional licences and certs to up my status and standing professionally. I also have a graduate degree. At the end of the day however, I’m still average.
So here’s the conundrum. Like most if not all people, I want certain stuff in a mate. I want a good compatible mate that I’m also legitimately attracted to. In practice however. I’ve only been able to attract one or the other. I’ve attracted some very attractive women. Dealing with them and being with them was hell however. I can always attract average to slightly below average women(4 – 6 on the conventional scale). I’m just never content with them. I’m always looking around at what else might be out there. I don’t want to be some cheating dog or the guy who’s always checking out other women. Therefore I’m reluctant to just date the women who are on my level.
I may have to write a blog post just solely based on this idea: The dating dichotomy.
You can be with a person who’s compatible with you and treats you well but they’re not much to look at, lay next to, or be seen with, or you can get a person who leaves nothing to be desired physically but being with them in a relationship sucks.
I simply haven’t made peace with the dichotomy – the tradeoff. I’m in my late 30s so I suppose if I want a mate I should simply get over it. I haven’t been able to however.
I have more to say about it, but that’s all I can articulate right now.
We reason from what we know. Here’s what I know. I’m black. My mother is black. My father’s black, but was a drug addict, and wasn’t there most of the time. In fact I haven’t spoken to him in a while, bc he’s shut off himself off from the world and refuses to keep a phone on. At my age (my 30s) it’s now a lost cause. I believe in black business, but in practice, I see black entrepreneurs running piss-poor operations. In fact, most recently, someone close to me was swindled by a black architrct/contractor who was even an assistant pastor at their very church. In my early childhood I lived in the suburbs and was a misfit. Heh, it happens. We moved to a black neighborhood where I went from simply being a misfit, to getting my ass kicked every day for being a misfit. It’s painted my perception of black people almost irreparably. I even attended a magnet school in part to escape the social abuse. The school was mostly black, and I was still a misfit. I went away to college and my first university was a majority Hispanic one. I was still something of a misfit, but the mutual novelty I felt from the locals smoothed a lot of the social awkwardness. I sought out the black students at my school, and got along somewhat, but still found myself in more conflict than I would’ve liked. I flunked out there during year 4. Excuse the trailing-off nature of my writing, but that was a bit of soul bearing. I still believe in blackness. I still have a heart and hope for the best for my people, but when I’m looking at cases such as Trayvon Martin, and Mike Brown, I’m not seeing what other blacks are seeing: an unarmed, innocent black teen killed unjustly. I’m seeing the black boys who kicked my ass, and threw my books.
As for black women, I’m dating one, and I do love and care for her. I believe the feeling is mutual, but I have enough cumulative hurt from black women to have gaps in my ability to fully trust her. Much of it’s my fault, as I’ve often chased the wrong thing, but the end result is still a diminished capacity to trust and empathize with women – especially black women. I’ve come to a PUA – like conclusion that in relationships a person is as noble and loyal as their options force them to be.
So, am I a coon, a sellout, an Uncle Tom? I don’t think I am. I think I’m just hurt. Thank God for WordPress.
Good day to you.
I am Louie Jacuzzi, another regular wordpress blogger. At this time I have chosen to make a shift in what I’m doing. Certain things will change around here. For one, this blog will be a repository for all my thoughts, not just the dark ones. I plan to tone down the language as well. My Chrisitan faith will start to peak in somewhat. It’s a part of me. I’ll also take this opportunity to hash out some of my more grandiose plans, and hear a few Devil’s advocate opinions. To Robert Lindsay , I got no beef with you man. In a way, I view you and Abagond as journalistic mentors. I still comment on your page under a bogus name. You’ll never figure it out, lol. That’s all I have to say for now. Louie is still lazy.
Wow folks, I always have stuff on my mind that I want to talk about, but that whole exertion thing just makes me tired thinking about it. Yes I’m fully aware that that was a poorly written sentence, but that’s the overwhelming extent of my recent laziness. I just don’t feel like doing anything. It’s not even writers’ block, just writers’ laziness…..
Let me start with an admission. I’ve been called all of these because I am all of these. In weak moments I even brand myself this way. By some standards, I’m batshit crazy.
But as fast as I can fess up to that, it still bugs me when I hear it. I quickly become convinced that you think you’re better and more “normal” than me. My next feeling is a desire to murder you gangster-flick style, and figure out how to dispose of the body( psst. This is called hy*per*bo*le, can’t really say I have the guts to kill a person, so no need to report me). Now it’s not like I’m getting naked, covering myself in gravy and running into reastaurants yelling “Where’s the Pork?!” Haven’t sexually assaulted anyone either. Stalking? Does that girl I called way too much when I was 14-15 count? Can I sometimes be a bit too emotional and hypersensitive? Only online. Do have stare at people(women) too much and have otherwise strange quirks? Could be. Do I ramble on about subtopics of my own posts? Damned straight!
My gripe with this is: Who the fuck are you, that you get to be the arbiter of normal/abnormal. I’m creepy?! Usually people who levy about this word are types of people who are scared of the fucking dustmites on their keyboards, or homebody type broads who sit in their one bedroom apartments, watching lifetime movies, and drinking pinot-whatever,while rubbing their cats(pet and body part) to the idea that someone who’s even stranger than them gives enough of a fuck about them to fullfil their stalker movie fantasies. I’m crazy?! You snob fuck kunt(male or female) what makes you so fucking sane? Trust me, you’ve had a moment where you got more emotional than you should have. At least once you’ve wigged out on someone, something, yourself, or otherwise. Besides, too many people dismissed as “crazy” have achieved more in the past week, than you’ll ever achieve in 10 lifetimes.
Boy this blogging thing is great, I can say whatever the fuck I want to say(including the word fuck). Don’t worry folks I’ll clean up my language as I mature in this art form, and the newness wears off
Those of us in the blogosphere who read and write about race have been well told the ugly story of the ugly people called black. There are plenty of blogs to tell how f’d up the people called black are. It would be a waste of time to go over the details. Besides, they do a bang up job here and here. Some try to defend my people from the beastly hordes of anti-blacks, such as this guy, this guy, and depending on his random, weather-adjusted mood this guy. Kudos to these brave souls who believe in the goodness and human worth of my people. They strengthen my often shaky faith in my race.
Well folks, I’m no thorough fact-finder, intellectual, statistical analyst, or even overwhelmingly sharp (I can hold my own though ). What I am good at is spin and hustle. So to those who’ll entertain my bullshit, I’ll offer my talents in the defense of my people.
Here’s my “RETELLING OF THE NARRATIVE.”
The black person is a nobel and majestic beast. Our woman is the foundation upon which greatness is built. We are the the ultimate conquerors and destined to rule. We are the measuring sticks by which manliness is determined. Our large penises make us the fit to be the Universal progenitors. Our natural agressions and propensity toward brute force make us well suited to the taking of lands. Our power of conquest is so strong we only need to show up and others vacate and abdicate their lands to us. We impose our sexual will onto women and ultimately, they accept. We are the ultimate free spirits, strong enough to exist in solitude and succeed at getting what all men only dream of : pussy without paternal obligation. Modern society should be ashamed of itself for imposing controls to deny us our nature. Hip hop tells of our glorious exploits. We succeed in the fringes of society. We have no use for the petty work of weak inferiors; we can earn and manage our lives in the manners that this oppressive establishment has unfairly criminalized. Education, reading: fuck em!!! Who needs booksmarts when you have game (and a big dick).
The prolific strength of the black man, can be tamed only by the mother of the Universe: The Black woman. Existence came in being from the mythical oriface of the black woman. I tell you the truth: even science understands that all matter can fit into the black hole, only to come out the other end white and new. It is the destiny of all life to enter the great black hole. This is the secret knowledge of blackness. It’s the cosmic trump card that keeps us reasonable. The black woman herself is strong and independent. She bears and raises children alone: no help from the black man. When she gets aid from the governments of the world, she’s simply taking what she’s owed. Some black women have even become crafty enough to understand the limitations of child bearing, and choose to abort their fetuses. Hat’s off to those brave women. This is a testament to forward thinking and resourceness of the black woman. She instinctively knows how to cull the weak from our progeny. This process may need to be repeated sometimes, so some of our women have to engage in the culling process multiple times. Venerial infections: for the strong black woman this is only a minor nuissance. It is simply the cost of being able mate the manliest of men.
Together these people shall inherit the earth, then next the Universe…..
This is my knee-jerk, irrational, emotional response to reading SBPDL, stormfrfont, unamuasement park, Steve Sailer, VDare, and all others of that ilk. Is this the true heart of White People? Is this what Abagond is thinking when he writes articles about the hearts of white people? It tells me that “good” white people are simply good liars. It tells me that they’re all just full of it. As fast I see one white person show kindness and speak in defense of blacks, I see three dismiss us a burden. Even the kindness is merely sympathy and white guilt as far as I see. They only see us morons, rapists,and criminals. I would rather go back to Africa with 10 million of the smartest, and most talented blacks and build a worthwhile black nation, but we all know that our best economic prospects are here in this country that hates us. History has proven that the only fate of blacks and whites together is dominance and oppression, with blacks on the bottom. At best, we’re treated as their little brothers; 500 years behind. At worst we’re slaves, second class citizens, or in some cases, housepets, zoo animals and sideshow freaks. Those are the general categories by which they view us; but never as equals, or as truly great. Our only solution; our only chance to grow, and to rule, is to kill all whites, most yellows, some browns, and anyone else who sees us as inferior or less intelligent. Am I insane? Likely, but I can’t find hope or a more viable path toward black power. If you have a better idea, let’s hear it.