This was initially a response to a youtube video I was watching. I’ve changed, removed, and modified a few points to make it into a blog post.
A quick point I’ll make is that many of us need to focus more of our mental and emotional energy on building our own situation and finding “our own version of alpha.” Doing so will most certainly make other people’s situations less concerning and less triggering.
Here’s the “why” I’m presenting – why many of us as men are so triggered by(and obsessed with) Russell and Ciara’s marriage.
What we have at this point, is a need to be right. Many of us are married to certain narratives and ideas. It’s become an emotional need for many of us that this situation fit neatly into our existing “Alpha f***s, beta bucks” paradigm/model. I’m not going to engage in the gaslighting, dismissal and ad-hominem criticism that many(read black women) engage in with regard to the conversation. Instead I’m going to make an appeal to reason. Maybe – just maybe, we need to recalibrate what we consider “alpha” and “beta” and ” Chad.” Yes Russell looks and overall presents like “us”(Squares/Educated Lames). Certainly that should make him non-select and unattractive to black women from our perspective. He’s most certainly a victim in waiting who’s going to “get done dirty and cheated on with a guy like August Alsina or some ‘Future’ type of guy.” That’s what we’re so deeply convinced of.
That’s the model – the heuristic by which we’re judging their marriage. I’ll admit I still have my suspicions, but we should at least consider the possibility that we’re wrong. We should consider the possibility that perhaps that type of man can in fact be the alpha or the apex predator in the black community. Perhaps we should even watch and study to figure out how he’s making it work. I have my theory, but I’ll save that for a different blog post.